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FIFTH ANNUAL JOKE SHOW
Joke Submissions
Here they are, hundreds of jokes, painfully and painstakingly categorized...the
good, the bad, the above average and the very, very ugly.
We received just over 1000 jokes for this year's show. A number
of them were used by Garrison and the cast.
Thanks to all who submitted jokes. And if you didn't hear your joke
on this year's show, try again next year. We are always looking
for more jokes.
The Final Joke of the Day:
Many years ago, a tiny island nation in the South Pacific
was home to some of the finest woodworkers who ever
lived. Unfortunately, no one ever found about these
legendary artisans since the only pieces they ever produced
were thrones for the king of the island. It was a tradition
that every year, on the first day of summer, the old
throne would be burned in a massive bonfire and the
woodworkers would present the king with their newest
masterpiece, an ornate and beautiful throne they spent
all year carving and shaping. The king would rule from
the new royal seat and then destroy it at the next year's
summer festival.
One year, a new king ascended to the throne and spoke
to his council of elders. "It's a foolish thing to take
these beautiful pieces of art and destroy them every
year! Someone should save them for future generations
to enjoy."
But one of his ministers quickly pointed out, "Sire,
this is a small island, and much of the land has been
taken. We have no room to build a museum."
Thinking quickly, the king proposed a solution. "I have
the answer. We will build a second story onto the royal
hut, and we shall store the thrones there."
The king's plan worked beautifully for a few years.
Every year, he would summon the strongest men on the
island to carry the thrones up into the second floor
of the royal hut and add them to the collection. But
on the fifth year, the floor finally could take no more,
and the royal hut collapsed, killing the king and his
whole family.
The moral of the story? People who live in grass houses
shouldn't stow thrones.
Matt Zimmerman, Charlottesville, VA
1999
- 4th Annual
1998
- 3rd Annual
1997
- 2nd Annual
1996
- Inaugural Show
Jokes: By Category
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A national holiday in Lake Wobegon is always gaudy and joyful. But what is going on between Clint Bunsen and Miss Liberty?
Everyone is here—Pastor Ingqvist, the Sons of Knute, Sister Arvonne of Our Lady of Perpetual Responsibility and her ocarina band, the Norwegian bachelor farmers, Dorothy and the Chatterbox Café, Wally in the Sidetrack Tap—as crowds converge on the little town to celebrate American independence, even as the chairman of the event broods on the great question of the day: Shall we struggle on valiantly here or shall we burst the bonds and find beautiful life in the golden west?
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Scripts and bits from A Prairie Home Companion celebrate the secret society of men and women who possess excellent spelling and punctuation skills. (You know who you are.)
Selections include "The Six-Minute Hamlet," a tribute to Emily Dickinson, a Guy Noir adventure that exposes an MFA scam, a riveting "Professional Organization of English Majors" drama, and guests Billy Collins, Robert Bly, Roy Blount Jr., and Calvin Trillin.
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